Growing up, I’d simply ASSUMED that I’d “get older,” get married, have kids, and then we’d retire together, travel and enjoy life.
I was so completely incorrect that it defies imagination. Multiple marriages, kids that lived far away from me, too much unhappiness, way more stress than I could have ever imagined, and then I’m “old” and alone.
How did it all happen? If you talk to my exes, they’d tell you how I chose these things, and to some degree they are right. I made decisions that weren’t always the right one, and usually it was my choice to stay that created all the problems. Staying, sometimes, is the damn dumbest thing you can do.
When the misery factor overwhelms the happiness factor, it’s time to move along, unless you can solve the issues at hand. Now I’m all for the old fashioned “let’s fix it” thought process, I am, but sometimes you just can’t fix something that doesn’t WANT to be fixed. When that happens, saddle up and ride off into the sunset because there IS happiness out there.
While still alone, I’m working hard to enjoy life by not taking things too seriously, being willing to bend a bit more than I used to, taking chances that I’ve never taken before, and allowing myself to listen more than I speak.
That last part….that part right there….is the hardest.
I see so many of my friends across Social Media who either celebrate their “aloness” (yea I know I just made the word up), or lament it. I probably fall somewhere in between the two, and I can’t tell you why. I’m sitting here on a perfectly grand Sunday afternoon, alone, writing my thoughts down, and being happy to do so. At the same time, I long for the permeance of a grand relationship that allows both to live separate lives together.
Hard to find folks, hard to find. What’s the old saw? “Some that want to own you, some that want to stone you and one that says she’s a friend of mine.”
I’m looking for that friend.
Meanwhile, in the midst of all of it, sometimes the people around me change. Not the good ones, the close ones, the one’s I’ve known all my life….but the people who put blinders on and are groping their way through life and are willing to believe the bad things over the good. Folks who will always see the worst in something, instead of the innate goodness of their fellow human beings.
We as a group, tend to treat each other with total abandon and great disrespect. Men look at women as objects, “things” to enjoy, own, or at least “manage.” This, simply, is NOT what life is about.
I’ve no more idea than a man in the moon, what would make any man feel like he has the right to own someone else, to try to “contain” them in any way, or even worse, take possession of the physical without the express permission of the other. We have a name for that and we have a place for those people who will commit it.
But the fact of the matter is, there are many of us out here who were simply raised to be gentlemen. We’ve always tried to treat women with courtesy, respect, even admiration. We don’t hold with the idea that they are “less” because they’ve always BEEN, more.
Truth is, in the world that I inhabit, women ALWAYS been the superior sex. They’re generally smarter, more adept at things, think out of the box more easily and are willing to change things up in order to grow with the natural course of a relationship.
Men? Sometimes not so much.
I’ve made my share of mistakes. I’ve been underwhelmed, overwhelmed and often overtaken, and here I am at the ripe old age of “golden,” still trying to patch it all together.
Left alone, I’m quite a conversationalist. I communicate easily and well. I have a good command of the English language and pride myself on being “up to date” on what’s going on the world.
Throw in a pretty girl, and I get off track just about as easily as I forget what I went into the kitchen for one minute ago.
They say, the beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Since I’m not much of a drinker, I can only tell you that I like a beautiful woman as much as any man alive. I’m just not willing to discard my upbringing to find a moments pleasure.
Why? Why you ask, is this a subject at all, especially today. When you come face to face with the reality that women have to protect themselves from “us,” then you begin to understand what a crazy place this world can be.
Sometimes, being a member in good standing with my very own personalize “man card” doesn’t make me feel very special. This is one of those times.
On behalf of good men everywhere, I’m sorry ladies.